We go to a lot of trouble to hide what we really look like, don't we? Use my two pictures as examples. The picture on the left is with my glasses and not a stitch of makeup. The picture on the right was a headshot... hair fixed, the right lighting, the right tilt of the head, and obviously with makeup (please tell me you notice I have makeup on!). That is not the only way we hide what we really look like. Surprising to some, but not to me, many women show up at church every Sunday in their very best. Everyone around them thinks all is glorious and without struggles. I was the same way. I'd walk in the church doors with a smile on my face, and it appeared everything was perfect (nevermind the fact I just threatened to harm my children on the way to church). But in reality we are all messed up in some way and beneath the surface things aren't as rosy as they seem. And we are terrified someone might find this out.If you look long at facebook, you can tell no difference there either. Everyone puts out the image they want others to perceive. When we look at our friends' profiles, we think they are living the good life. Everything is wonderful. Well, of course it is! That is how they want you to view them. Putting your best foot forward isn't necessarily wrong. What is wrong is the fact that we begin to compare our lives to theirs. We start to think, "why isn't my life that wonderful?" or "why aren't my kids that trophy worthy?" or "why isn't my husband/wife that caring?". We begin comparing our homes, our bodies, our vacations...nothing is left out. People! Don't get caught in this trap. We ALL have problems. We ALL have difficulties. We ALL are not perfect. Life is hard. There are twists and turns from day to day. Sometimes life is going great. But sometimes it's not. Trials come. Some pains are brought on by others. And some are brought on by ourselves. I can testify that I have been deeply hurt by others, and on the same hand, I have been guilty of contributing to the pain of another.How do we break free from this trap? By being honest. Taking off our masks. No, I am certainly not suggesting that you "air out your dirty laundry" to everybody and heavens, not on facebook! Just stop pretending to be perfect. Stop pretending that if you are a good christian, life is perfect. Stop pretending that your spouse is perfect. Stop pretending that your kids are perfect. Just stop pretending.By the way, this is why I'm letting go of many facebook friends. I just want to be myself. No judging me. I don't want people to know my business just for the sake of them thinking themselves more wonderful if they think I have problems. I want people to know I am not perfect for the sake of helping them to know they are normal.If you are a fellow struggler and need a listening ear, email me or call me. We can even meet up for lunch. As long as it's not some perfect, dainty salad and water.Now, hop over to facebook and check out my "perfect" vacation pictures (wink).
14 May 2011
what's real?
We go to a lot of trouble to hide what we really look like, don't we? Use my two pictures as examples. The picture on the left is with my glasses and not a stitch of makeup. The picture on the right was a headshot... hair fixed, the right lighting, the right tilt of the head, and obviously with makeup (please tell me you notice I have makeup on!). That is not the only way we hide what we really look like. Surprising to some, but not to me, many women show up at church every Sunday in their very best. Everyone around them thinks all is glorious and without struggles. I was the same way. I'd walk in the church doors with a smile on my face, and it appeared everything was perfect (nevermind the fact I just threatened to harm my children on the way to church). But in reality we are all messed up in some way and beneath the surface things aren't as rosy as they seem. And we are terrified someone might find this out.If you look long at facebook, you can tell no difference there either. Everyone puts out the image they want others to perceive. When we look at our friends' profiles, we think they are living the good life. Everything is wonderful. Well, of course it is! That is how they want you to view them. Putting your best foot forward isn't necessarily wrong. What is wrong is the fact that we begin to compare our lives to theirs. We start to think, "why isn't my life that wonderful?" or "why aren't my kids that trophy worthy?" or "why isn't my husband/wife that caring?". We begin comparing our homes, our bodies, our vacations...nothing is left out. People! Don't get caught in this trap. We ALL have problems. We ALL have difficulties. We ALL are not perfect. Life is hard. There are twists and turns from day to day. Sometimes life is going great. But sometimes it's not. Trials come. Some pains are brought on by others. And some are brought on by ourselves. I can testify that I have been deeply hurt by others, and on the same hand, I have been guilty of contributing to the pain of another.How do we break free from this trap? By being honest. Taking off our masks. No, I am certainly not suggesting that you "air out your dirty laundry" to everybody and heavens, not on facebook! Just stop pretending to be perfect. Stop pretending that if you are a good christian, life is perfect. Stop pretending that your spouse is perfect. Stop pretending that your kids are perfect. Just stop pretending.By the way, this is why I'm letting go of many facebook friends. I just want to be myself. No judging me. I don't want people to know my business just for the sake of them thinking themselves more wonderful if they think I have problems. I want people to know I am not perfect for the sake of helping them to know they are normal.If you are a fellow struggler and need a listening ear, email me or call me. We can even meet up for lunch. As long as it's not some perfect, dainty salad and water.Now, hop over to facebook and check out my "perfect" vacation pictures (wink).
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21 comments:
Angie,
I truly do love reading your posts. The post today is refreshing. We are all so guilty of trying to make everyone believe that we are more than we really are. Just think about class reunions! How many prepare a year ahead of time just to impress and exaggerate far beyond what they have really accomplished!
Keep writing. Keep sharing.
Denise
AMEN,Sister!!
very well said'' :)
Great words of wisdom. We all wear masks of some sort. If we can just be authentic inside and give others a chance to see the "real" us, we are happier through and through. But so many times, we end up comparing ourselves and then feeling unworthy. It is a struggle on a daily basis for many, which includes me.
When I am content with who I am and what I have, I am free from living up to anyone else's standards. As I age, it becomes easier to be content. But there are times when I daydream about living in a perfect world.
I did not mean to leave the last post anonymous. It was from me: Lisa Bryant in Lancaster. :)
Ok, girl, first of all, there is NO WAY I would let anyone see me without make-up on!!! You are much braver than I am!!! Although, I will admit, you do look gawgeous without your make=up on, which is something most of us can't accomplish. Ok, so now on to the second note, you are so right, girl. I will say that especially christians pretend to be so perfect and I am thinking they are the ones who should be showing the rest of us how to make it through hard times. I don't feel like telling my christian girlfriends my trials because they act like they haven't ever been through one so why would I want their advice or opinion??? Know what I mean?>
LOVE YOU!!!!!
Christy!
I would love to meet you for a big fat cheeseburger and shake! :)
Denise- So true about class reunions! I haven't ever thought about that one!
And thanks for the compliments!
Hey Lisa,
Thanks for letting me know who posted! :)
I agree that the older I get the easier it is to be content. I think you come to the place where you realize how short life is.
It is so true that when we compare our own lives to that of others, things we didn't have we now suddenly feel like we need.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Love and miss you all terribly!
ang
Christy,
Honey, you crack me up! You know, one of the most liberating things I have found is going without makeup...sometimes. haha. I don't wear it to the gym or just hanging around the house. But you know, I have found that men really like a natural look more anyway. So, why torture ourselves?? :) Actually, I think men find a woman's confidence to be a more attractive quality. So, what is more confident that being secure enough in who you are to go without makeup?!
I also think what you said is very true about christian women being unapproachable. Why would anyone want to share their pain/trials with someone that they think is perfect and has never experienced hurt? It really is a silly game. Love you too, girlie!!
Oh, and Christy, you name the place and a big fat burger is a MUST!!!
you are so right,but you are beautiful on the inside but some make up can help. me being real has got me in trouble lots of the time but i never had to lie my way out. if we are all like Daniel being so real to God and the Kings he worked for willing to give all to honor God it didn't hurt him and it will not us , love you my dear little sis Gal 6:9
Stump,
One thing I have always appreciated about you is the fact that you are who you are. Take it or leave it. You are the same person on Sunday that you are every other day of the week. You never hide your flaws. Oh, and by the way, some of us think you could use a little makeup yourself. :)
Love you too, Stumpy.
ang
Angie,
Absolutely love your posts!! I am from Lancaster Baptist, I never really got to know you personally while you were here. I know that being the wife of pastor must have been difficult. People expect preacher's families to be perfect. I appreciate the fact that you are "REAL". I love reading all your blogs!! Thanks for sharing your perspective and life with us!!
Traci,
Thanks so much for your kind, sweet words. They are a healing balm for me.
However, I'm not so sure some people would agree with you about me being "real".
Sadly, I have spent a lot of years in a perfect little bubble. Yes, trying to be the perfect pastor's wife. Almost legalistic. The expectations people have on a pastor and his family are truly unrealistic. Often causing a great deal of stress and pain on a family.
I have made many mistakes, some not intentional and yes, even some that were intentional. But, I am moving past people's expectations and living a life that I feel God wants me to live.
Thanks for sharing YOUR thoughts. That's what makes this blog worth my time. It's really not about what *I* have to say. It's more about sharing our thoughts TOGETHER.
Much love to you!
angie
What do you do when being honest makes things worse?
Dear Anonymous,
I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Can you be more specific?
I will say that sometimes being honest can make things bad...but only for a time. But if being honest brought out something bad, it probably needed to be addressed to begin with.
I don't know if that is what you are looking for. If you can give some more details that might help.
Thanks!
I would like to address the previous comment.
First of all, I apologize to anyone who read that comment. This is NOT the place for immature, childish actions like that. I chose to keep my option of anonymous for the simple reason that some people do not want to comment on the post on FaceBook so they choose to comment here and want to be anonymous at times. I also like the fact that if someone genuinely needs to vent or has a question that they can do so without worrying about who might read what they say.
Now to address the person. First of all, I cannot even begin to imagine how cold hearted you must be to play such a childish game. Can you imagine what my mom must thing after she read your comment? My children also read my blog. Why would you care so little that you would want to entertain their head with ideas like you suggested? The other party you spoke of also has children.
As for my family and the other party you spoke of being divided, we were friends when we lived there. I only keep up with a very few select people from Lancaster. Not keeping up with another family does not mean that there is a specific reason.
It is mean and awful things like this that make me thankful not to be a part of LBC anymore. I would imagine that the other party that you spoke of would feel the same way.
And as for LBC being united....I would truly put that into great question. The simple fact that you would do something like leaving me a comment tells me of the quality of folks that are "united".
I imagine that you will check this, just to see how I will respond. If you have one single ounce of kindness in you, please do not post another comment. Thank you.
Just to clarify I am Anonymous #1 not the other anonymous.
To be more specific:
I was open and honest about my feelings to a friend (she drew some wrong conclusions)and she abandooned me. I know she is struggling with alot of things so I pray for her daily to see clearly. But I am afraid she is gripped with resentment that she needs to let go of before she can see the truth and to see my "real" heart!
Thanks for the ear!
Dear Anonymous,
Maybe the abandonment is not really about what you shared concerning your feelings. It could be that she just couldn't handle any more of a situation and for her own benefit decided it was best for a time to simply let go. If she is going through some kind of situation, things may be difficult for her and so the best thing you can do is to continue to be a caring friend by showing love in any way that you can. When she is able, she will remember how you continued to show love instead of remembering that you mutually abandoned.
In fairness to her, could it be that she was hurt beyond just your feelings that you shared? Maybe in some way, other than what you shared about your feelings, she felt hurt or betrayed by you? It is always easy to see someone else's wrongs. Sometimes we have to put ourselves in their situation and genuinely look to see how we may have played a part in hurting them.
Hang in there. Keep praying.
Angie,
Thank you for your perspective on the situation...I will continue to pray and trust in God to bring peace and healing even if it means letting go.
"I just wish her to know she is cared about deeply and prayed for daily."
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